FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~The Smith Comes~

Posted: March 25, 2015 in dark, fiction, Outdoors
Tags: , , , , , , ,

FFF Prompt david-stewart

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction postings at:

https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2015/03/25/27-march-2015/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. This fellow rolled in to town when the Carnival of Screams appeared. Come, witness The Smith and all that he can be.

Here’s my contribution:

The Smith Comes

Allen rests his bones upon the Post Office stoop, metal tool box upon his thighs, scraggy grays tied back into something that resembles a wet rat. He wriggles his nose and samples the crowd. He awaits Mrs. Right, or Mr.–Allen’s an open-minded opportunist. With feminine, surgically nimble, and overly ring-adorned phalanges he twirls errant whiskers. His beady eyes and highly attuned nose identifies her from within the docile masses. Mrs. Right is distracted on her phone, she’s arguing, her left fist is clenched yet it sparkles, dazzles. Allen slides open a metal draw retrieving his most precious instrument.

jKb

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Comments
  1. ansumani says:

    I’m assuming that the precious instrument is muscial..

  2. Seems like she isn’t so right for him after all, nice work!

  3. Francesca Smith says:

    He seems quite a character, but I am not sure if his intentions are good.

  4. Nan Falkner says:

    I’m thinking this guy is a few notes short of a song. Well done! Nan

  5. Margaret says:

    Very good description of this character. He makes my flesh crawl. And the title is wonderful – so ominous.

  6. gahlearner says:

    I have a bad feeling about this. This guy is creepy.

  7. rgayer55 says:

    It’s always nice to read one of your pieces. You set the stage so well and leave us dangling off the edge, salivating like Pavlov’s dog.

  8. Dale says:

    I like that you’ve described him as a rat… he definitely makes my skin crawl….

  9. Ever so creepy! The tension is palpable in this piece. Nicely done.

  10. I can see the creepy fellow with a coiffure resembling a wet rat. I recon how instrument have an edge ..

  11. draliman says:

    Great description of this fellow, I could see the scene quite clearly in my mind.

  12. Jan Brown says:

    Excellent build-up of tension and suspense. Very creepy–in a good way!

  13. Mr. Creepy. I DO NOT get a good feeling from this chap. Well done.

  14. This is one creepy character. I’m not surprised as you’ve had some weird characters in the past in your stories. They’re always good stories though as long as the characters stay in them. Well done, J.K. 🙂 — Suzanne

  15. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear JK,

    I like how he’s right there in front of everyone, tools at the ready, lurking in plain sight. A chilling tale from the honed blade of your mind. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  16. Man your characters can creep me out. First Raggedy Ann and now this guy. Yikes. I’m sort of smiling. Tracey

  17. mjlstories says:

    An errant tale – or is that tail and whiskers?
    Nicely creepy.

  18. Creatopath says:

    Allen sounds very creepy, crowd watching with his tool box looking for rings to steal. I love how he resembles a rat.

  19. afairymind says:

    This is very creepy – Allen makes my skin crawl. Great story. 🙂

  20. Creepy good, ad usual. Enjoyed it immensely.

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