FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~Alluring Pumps~

Posted: November 13, 2013 in dark, fiction, Outdoors, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

FFF Prompt alley

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/15-november-2013/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Come, feel the rhythm.

Here’s my contribution:

Alluring Pumps

The girls spilled through the alley exit seeming to be whisked along by the club music which flowed along this canyon of buildings. The steel door snicked behind them severing the cacophony. The girls looked at each other and, after a moment of hesitation, erupted with laughter. They scurried away among the shadows and yellow lights and with the lingering bass still dulling their ears; they did not notice their heel clicks being paced by others.

A pipe hissed, a can tipped, their adrenaline primed hearts pounded.

The girls took flight, and discovered, six-inch heels were not designed for escape.

jKb

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Comments
  1. Ominous… Liked “the steel door snicked behind them, severing the cacophony.”

  2. But they do make our asses look astounding, darling. It’s a trade off.

  3. I like this take, some social message perhaps being delivered? Well done.

  4. Definitely not for running away. Good one.

    janet

  5. wmqcolby says:

    Suspenseful. I’d like to hear more of this story. Good show!

  6. Still, I hope they kick off their shoes in time! As I said in one of my replies to my story, this sort of incidence is not unique. My cousin Judy has a million of them, all ending with, “then I grabbed my shoes and ran!”. We always laugh, but not too far beneath, I remember the terror of these experiences. Some of us were just damn lucky to get away.

  7. mike olley says:

    Maybe not for running but a six inch heel makes a bloody good weapon. Liked the focus on sound in this piece. Well told.

  8. Nice story! Actually, I was taught that a 6-inch heel makes a great weapon. Slip it off and wield it like a weapon! Go for the face! Oh, by the way, LOVED the sentence “…The steel door snicked behind them..” I can actually hear it!

  9. Jan Brown says:

    Your story conveys the alley’s sounds in an extremely effective way. The cacophony of the club. The “snick” of the door closing. The dulling of hearing by the loud, pounding bass. The clicking of heels that disguise the stalker’s footsteps. Excellent writing!

    On a related topic, I feel I must take this opportunity to stand on my soapbox (in my flats) and state emphatically that high heels must have been invented by men for their own amusement πŸ™‚

  10. zookyworld says:

    As always, I enjoyed your choice of precise words to effect the mood and paint the scene. And I very much enjoyed the suspense. As for the heels, oh the price of fashion.

  11. Very effectively developed sense of unease.

  12. I know I don’t want to try and run in them!

  13. rgayer55 says:

    I love the suspense you’ve created in such a short scene. There are so many options . . .

    • JKBradley says:

      I keep hearing this comment from week to week, damnit, I need to take a holiday and start expanding on these flash fiction stories.

      Thanks for visiting, it’s so much appreciated.

  14. atrm61 says:

    Love the sharp writing in here-a great see-saw of emotions with fun and letting your hair down going on,followed by a sudden change in the tempo and a terrifying open ending!

  15. High heels, high jinx and then high horror. Great writing.

  16. Crisp, sharp writing. I especially liked “their adrenaline primed hearts pounded.” Excellent.

  17. Dear Jk,

    The thought of running in spiked heels makes me cringe and my feet hurt. You set the tone as far as sight, sound and feeling. Now I wonder why their hearts are pounding and what they’re running from. Nice one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  18. annisik51 says:

    I learned this the hard way. Went to a party at an ice rink, took the wrong entrance and stepped onto melting ice wearing 6 inch platform heeled sandals. I skidded past the band, fell flat on my stomach and glided in this fashion to the other side. I got off to applause from the other party goers UPSTAIRS in the bar! Soaking wet, I joined them. A happier ending than you characters, I think! πŸ™‚

  19. […] FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~Alluring Pumps~ (thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com) […]

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