FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~What Lies Beneath~

Posted: October 16, 2013 in dark, fiction, Outdoors, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/18-october-2013/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Come, listen as we share our secrets.

Here’s my contribution:

What Lies Beneath

Albert Bunn, ankle deep, watched as a few percolations broke the surface, grew to a roiling effervescence, and finally when the submerged hollow collapsed into a momentary sink hole, smiled as that piece-of-shit-nuisance Sonneborn and his front page story were swallowed by the steadily rising water. Details of Bunn’s transgressions would be kept safe beneath the incoming 22 feet of reservoir water.

“Gets what he deserves.” Bunn spat into the now knee-deep drink then spun to affect his escape, still muttering pleasantries.

Several new streams of expanding bubbles assaulted the surface surrounding Bunn, the dirt bottom sucked at his boots.

jKb

 

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Comments
  1. bearmcquinn says:

    Ironic justice. LOL~!

  2. MissTiffany says:

    Lovely choice of vocabulary here. I feel as though I’ve just had a fine literary dessert.

  3. howanxious says:

    That is quite intriguing. The set up and the choice of words add into its mysterious nature.
    -HA

  4. I always enjoy your flash fiction – you know how to tell a compelling, succint story.

  5. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear JK,

    So many story lines for us to think about as the water slowly covers that POS Sonneborn. Your piece is layered with matter-of-fact language and thought from an endlessly interesting character on a canvass of water and mud and hidden secrets. I thought of Deliverance and Chinatown and The Drowning Pool all ‘roiled’ into one. Outstanding work, sir.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  6. kz says:

    i agree with the comments, great setup and choice of words 🙂

  7. I thought there is a lot happening in this piece, well written.

  8. Steve B says:

    Very nice. Good sense of grim joy, followed by the great “gotcha” at the end. Classic.

  9. I like this snippet of description of a thoroughly unpleasant person about to get his (at least I devoutly hope so!) You tell us just enough to be interesting yet let our imaginations roam in the story you’ve created.

    janet

  10. Adam Ickes says:

    Well told, JK. As always.

  11. Someone, it was either John Lennon or Jean-Luc Picard, once said “Instant Karma’s gonna get you, darling.”
    This was very well written and the ending superb.

  12. Excellent piece, well constructed and pow! punch line.
    Loved it.

  13. zookyworld says:

    When percolations tire of working in coffee makers and decide to exact a bit of the ultra-violence. Some righteous vigilante justice, served up with dirt sucking at the boots. A chilling story as always. Good stuff.

  14. […] FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~What Lies Beneath~ (thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com) […]

  15. Love that end… I can hear those boots threading through mud. Your wordchoice makes it into literature.

  16. Fantastic writing JK, and “the dirt bottom sucked at his boots–” Awesome dat. Love this one, truly.

  17. Dear JK,

    Not sure why, but a song that I had to sing in choir way back when comes to mind, “What I like about Clive is that he is no longer alive.” Tight, concise and descriptive are are my comments for you, sir. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  18. Dani Karns says:

    Ah yes. I missed you last week On Oct 16, 2013 11:48 AM, “The Bradley Chronicles” wrote:

    > ** > JKBradley posted: ” Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her > work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other > Flash Fiction Friday postings at: > http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/18-october-2013/ For > those who are ne”

  19. Dee says:

    Hi JK
    Very descriptive and intriguing enough for me to want to know more
    Well done
    Dee

  20. annisik51 says:

    Very visual. It had a beginning middle and end and made good use of the prompt. It seems you have, or have researched some technical stuff too. I liked the choice of name: Albert Bunn. It sounds like the name of someone ‘ordinary’, and not like the name of a nasty and dangerous man (like e.g. Moriarty!). So adds to the characterisation. Ann

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