FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~Castle of Love~

Posted: August 21, 2013 in dark, fiction, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

church_and_tree-claire-fuller

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/23-august-2013/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Come, just a little closer.

Here’s my contribution:

CASTLE OF LOVE

The stone structure was tucked back on a wooded down slope which fed the gorge. The court was littered with scraggy tufts of scrub clutching between what look like ancient, weathered tomb stones.

Living things dared not encroach.

She did see, yet she was enchanted by his simple words. “So pretty,” he said, she a princess, this her castle. He held her hand with a tender touch and looked into her eyes when he spoke.

Then, he pressed her against the cold stone with the full weight of his body, crushing the air from her cry.

She could not resist.

jKb

 

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Comments
  1. Those last four words say it all — interesting how that phrase is often spoken lightheartedly, about having given in to some petty temptation — she could not resist having another slice of the delicious cake, etc… But you have given it back its literal meaning, and it’s horrifying.

  2. Sandra says:

    Dark indeed… we’re all out in force today. 🙂 Nice one, chillingly so.

  3. kz says:

    a more horrifying version of what happens when a girl gives in to temptation… chilling and very well written 🙂

  4. Linda Vernon says:

    Yikes! Dark and scary. I can see how your mind went that direction with this picture.

  5. neenslewy says:

    When you read this line;
    ‘Living things dared not encroach.’
    halfway through… you know it’s going to be good!

  6. This is truly a gothic tale. You capture the picture excelllently… Tack så mycket, Björn

  7. The last line says it all: he had all the power all along. Quite a terrifying story, but well written.

  8. Dear JK,

    You’ve got all the girls swooning with this one. Nothing to see here for us guys. Move along.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  9. Dear JK,

    You have a dark and powerful tale here. One word of concrit if I may. A little too heavy with passive voice. You can alleviate some of that with a change of syntax on the second sentence. “The court was littered with scraggy tufts of scrub clutching between what look like ancient, weathered tomb stones.” to “Scraggy tufts of scrub clutching between what look like ancient, weathered tomb stones littered the court.”

    Of course that’s my opinion.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  10. Wanderer says:

    Chillingly brilliant. You certainly packed a punch–and not just in the last lines. This was a great piece.

  11. Goodness, I’ll never think of resistance in quite the same way again. Chilling and delicious!

  12. Whoa! That’s a bit dark! Ouch. Wish he’d lighten up a bit!

  13. jwdwrites says:

    I look forward to reading your FF offerings and as usual you did not disappoint. A powerful closing line to a piece you just knew wasn’t going to end well from the ‘Living things dared not encroach’ line. Nice work. 🙂

  14. unspywriter says:

    You’ve juxtaposed the light (her dreams of this being a castle) with the dark (her not being able to resist) so deftly in so few words. Truly chilling and shivery. Great read.

    Here’s mine, somewhat in the same vein: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/necessary-sacrifices/

  15. rgayer55 says:

    Somehow, I knew it would not be an ordinary romance when I read the title.
    One question, why is the word “down” between wooded and slope in the first sentence? Is there a significance there that I didn’t grasp?

    • JKBradley says:

      I visualized the ground sloping down and away in to a certain darkness, perhaps a place to stash a body, but the word wasn’t meant to carry any other meaning, just describing the setting.

      Thanks for visiting!

  16. Sarah Ann says:

    You’ve paint such a tale of true love 🙂

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