FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~The Rider~

Posted: April 13, 2013 in dark, fiction, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

FLASHFICTIONFRIDAY Motor-Tric-Machine  sandra-crook

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/04/10/12-april-2013/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Come, get on your bike and ride.

Here’s my contribution:

The Rider

“Where is he?”

“Inside.”

“You sure?”

“That’s his…machine. Ain’t it?”, said like the word was a bitter worm wriggling on the back of the tongue.

Stragglers joined this makeshift militia. He was no murderer, nor rapist; his crime the loss of God in favor of the demon called Science.

The machine ticked mockingly fueling the mobs hate. The Rider beyond the double-hinged doors, sat at the far corner, sipped piss-warm beer. He unholstered an oversized chrome-plated blaster, set it before him on the table and began to whistle a song that would soon become part of the legend.

jKb

 



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Comments
  1. OK, that’s a bit depressing for Saturday morning. I think I’ll recover with my cinnamon roll and tea now. Seriously, it’s well-written per usual and another reason I don’t want to be around for the end-of-life-as-we-know-them times. Just one suggestion, “piss-warm” needs a hyphen (I can see Managua rolling his eyes in the nicest way possible) because other wise it’s saying that the beer is actually piss, not as warm as piss. 🙂 Big difference to The Rider, I’d think.

    janet

  2. Dear JK,
    I’ll second “piss-warm” with a resounding eeeeeeeeew! As always, your writing is strong and concise. I particularly liked the last line segment: “began to whistle a song that would soon become part of the legend.” Well done, sir
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    • JKBradley says:

      Thank you, Rochelle. The piss-warm detail seemed to set the mood so much better than the 140 word version I had come up with. Yup, that one word replaced nearly 40 others.

  3. Anja says:

    If that ‘ride’ one day is gone, well then come over, I’ll pour the coffee or wine and we talk terms ok?

  4. 40again says:

    Waiting to find out what happens next.
    Liked Rochelle, I really like the last line.
    Thinking of a spaghetti-western-type scene for some reason
    Well done, as usual
    Dee

  5. silently Kim says:

    I hear the theme from The Good, The bad and The Ugly. Good story.

  6. julespaige says:

    When all you can get is warm beer…
    Now I’ll have to imagine the legend and assume our hero survives – gotta with a blaster, eh.

  7. elappleby says:

    A great story – I loved the ‘bitter worm’ especially but it’s jam-packed with great descriptions. Fabulous 🙂

  8. jwdwrites says:

    Smooth, very smooth. What a polished story you have written here JK. Very good. 🙂

  9. rheath40 says:

    I loved your story. But then again, I always love your work. Perfectly dark.

  10. camgal says:

    Lovely 🙂 a makeshift militia lol

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