FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~Cargo~

Posted: February 27, 2013 in dark, fiction, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

FLASHFICTION prompt home-made_car

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/1-march-2013/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Would you like a ride?

Here’s my contribution:

Cargo

Sure she do. Mightn’t be pretty like one of them new, shiny ones, but all that’s just the outside. No? If you stroke her she purrs right good.” His rhythm and tone charmed. Rols was amazed the words hadn’t induced an immediate catatonic state.

I only need to get back to D.C.” Rols thumbed seven Franklins, handed them to the salesman.

She can do.”

Rols slid behind the wheel. “If it don’t, I’m coming back.”

Yes sir.” The salesman produced a plastic smile. “An’ remember, Mr. Rols, whatever you do, don’t open that trunk.”

jKb



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Comments
  1. I like the comment about the salesman’s accent and the seven Franklins. I’m not touching the trunk and I hope he doesn’t either.

    janet

  2. deanabo says:

    The first thing I would do is open the trunk!

  3. rdusnr says:

    Reblogged this on Chestii RANDOM.

  4. I want to know what’s in that trunk before I pull off. Good story.

  5. tedstrutz says:

    Well of course he’s going to open the trunk. What he lets out is… the rest of the story.

  6. kz says:

    “If you stroke her she purrs right good” loooved that line.. but not as much as “don’t open that trunk.” ^^

  7. That last line is when I’d be grabbing back my money and looking for another dealer. Great ending.

  8. Ankita says:

    “If you stroke her she purrs right good” 🙂

  9. yepiratehere says:

    Plastic smile indeed!

  10. Sandra says:

    Intriguing hook here – but open the trunk before you leave… Nice one.

  11. Rols is one adventurous guy. Doubt I’d be buying this baby to take me anywhere..!
    Enjoyed the ride of the language, and the title which opened up the narrative…!
    Very nicely done… 🙂

  12. elappleby says:

    Cargo – sure she do – love it 😀
    Nice take on the prompt.

  13. Dear JK,
    Don’t think about elephants! what just came to your mind? Elephants of course. I’d either take my money back and run or after I turned a few corners, stop and open that trunk. Your dialogue move real smooth. Although I think you might have left a d off of induced. Minor fixable detail.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  14. rich says:

    don’t open that trunk – like telling a kid not to laugh in church. well done.

  15. to perhaps be continued…… very nicely done.

  16. Joe Owens says:

    Uh-oh there is some junk in that trunk! For $700 he may have just received a lot of trouble.

  17. vb holmes says:

    Rols must be on the lam already if he’s willing to drop seven big ones on that buggy. I suspect he’s used to driving around with a trunk full of animal, vegetable or mineral contraband.

  18. unspywriter says:

    Oooh, pretty ominous not opening that trunk. I’m sure I couldn’t resist. 😉

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/eye-of-the-beholder/

  19. And that smell coming from the trunk. I love this twist, couldn’t help laughing out loud,

  20. There’s a trunk? Who knew!

  21. writing colloquial language takes talent. kudos to you for this effort.

  22. Parul says:

    Haha!
    This was nice! The salesman is a nice character koi built. love the plastic smile.
    Wondering what’s in the trunk!

  23. Trudy says:

    I hadn’t even thought about what might be stashed in the trunk of such a car (my story took me in another direction), but, of course, it’s going to be as mixed up as the rest of it – or possibly a bit more horrific! Enjoyed this.

  24. Iris says:

    Oh, do let us know what comes jumping outta that trunk, JK! Or what pulls Rols in, whatever the case may be.

  25. Sarah Ann says:

    Okay, so what’s in the trunk? Really enjoyed the voices in this.

  26. 40again says:

    Scary which you’re very good at.
    Don’t open the trunk, as if he would…
    Well done
    Dee

  27. petrujviljoen says:

    Somehow missed this last week. Wouldn’t open the trunk, wouldn’t drive anywhere, would give car straight back … well done.

  28. ha Mr Rols never had a better ride

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