FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~Cleansing~

Posted: February 15, 2013 in dark, fiction, Heart Warming, Outdoors, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

FLASHFICTIONFRIDAY Bronze Sculpter

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Come, have a taste. See if you can’t swallow the truth almong the chunks of fiction.

Here’s my contribution:

Cleansing

Upon a rubber mat, before the copper effigy of her teacher, SungHe floated through yogi poses seeming to defy the forces of nature and gravity. An increasing rain failed to dissuade onlookers, mesmerized by her beauty and grace; she swam through poses as a jellyfish rides the currents of the sea.

While her body flowed she spoke, as with ancient authority, of Mankind returning to nature, needing to cleanse their souls.  She bid them join hands.

The sky darkened, the air thickened with ozone.

One of the linked reached out to behold the power pulsing within the effigy, as instructed.

jKb



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Comments
  1. Hayley says:

    Love the details here, especially in that first paragraph. Great job 🙂

  2. I somehow don’t feel that reaching out is going to end well! I thought your first paragraph was especially evocative although I thought jellyfish might sound better than jelly. A jelly conveys something different to me.

    I found this confusing, “she spoke with some ancient authority of Mankind returning to nature.” Did she speak with some ancient authorities about Mankind returning to nature (authorities then in the plural) or was she speaking with authority?

    janet

  3. I enjoyed the visual quality of this piece.

  4. Sandra says:

    Full of portent… intriguing.

  5. I really like this line: “she swam through poses as a jellyfish rides the currents of the sea”

  6. 40again says:

    I liked the flow of this. The line ‘…as a jellyfish rides the currents of the sea’ is brilliant, so descriptive. Enjoyed reading this.
    Dee

  7. Lovely flow of language, just like the jellyfish.

  8. rich says:

    well done. i’m curious about a couple of things. first, why ozone? does it have an advantageous property? second, this line: “While her body flowed she spoke, as with ancient authority, of Mankind…” might be good to move the comma from after “spoke” to after “flowed.” read it aloud and see what you think.

  9. Iris says:

    Very nice JK. I like how you can almost see her become something more – an ancient goddess, perhaps? And what kind of goddess? It leaves me to wonder what exactly that cleansing of the souls will mean… I like this a lot!

  10. julespaige says:

    I like the other dimensional quality.

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