FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~Holiday Inn~

Posted: December 6, 2012 in dark, fiction, Heart Warming, Holiday, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

FRIDAYFICTPROMPTthehallway

Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/7-december-2012/

For those who are new, Rochelle shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers compose a 100-word flash of fiction. Come, take my hand and walk with me. I have something to share with you.

Here’s my contribution:

Holiday Inn

Laughter.

Not the type you hear at a Christmas party or where teens roughhouse or even the kind that makes your ass pucker. It’s not anything like those. It’s more like a wispy echo and in the distance children are playing. Or maybe once were.

ashes…ashes…they all fall down.

My feet are cold, bare upon this sterile floor. I step toward the lighted end, my reddened night shirt gapes.

More laughter, I step again.

The familiar voices ahead, are they my own?

Another step.

My sticky hands tremble.

Laughter.

It does not wipe off.

My God, what have I done?

jKb



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Comments
  1. Excellently creepy, but I expect no less. I’m always slightly taken aback, even after all this time, to come to your site and have it look like mine, although I no longer think that I somehow got back to my own. šŸ™‚

  2. N Filbert says:

    well done – yes with that pointed sinister quality of yours šŸ™‚

  3. Sandra says:

    Very sinister. I started getting uneasy after the ‘reddened night shirt’ and it was all downhill from there. You do this kind of thing very well. Almost too well… šŸ˜‰

  4. Russell says:

    Heeeres . . . JK. I hate it when things don’t wipe off. Nice, creepy little tale, leaving plenty to the imagination.

  5. 40again says:

    It’s 11.45pm here and I will be thinking about the “reddened nightshirt” for quite a while! Not usually a genre I like, but congratulations on such a well written piece. Dee

  6. Creepy is a great word for this piece. Good work.

  7. Parul says:

    That’s creepy!
    What did he do, where is he? What’s behind the doors?
    I really like this!

  8. Abraham says:

    Very well written.
    I like the way the hints of trouble are gradually added.

  9. claireful says:

    Just like Anne at number 15, you’ve got inside the mind of someone in an altered state. I’m not sure whether he’s done something because he’s like this, or is like this because he’s done something, but either way you’ve set up a whole chain of possible events.

  10. Dear JK,
    Stunning. Loved the “ashes, ashes…” I could hear that echoing down that corridor. You set the tone. Brilliantly chilling.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  11. That’s wonderfully creepy. All it takes is two adjectives to convey so much.

  12. unspywriter says:

    Very chilling. Nice juxtaposition of the echo of children’s voices and the “sticky” hands. You really feel the terror at the end.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/the-purge/

  13. rich says:

    i’m guessing a “reddened” nightshirt was not originally red. so how did it get red? i think the police will have some questions. well done.

  14. Boy, I’m thinking “Tales from the Crypt” here. What has he done? Moody, atmospheric, and very good piece!

  15. yerpirate says:

    That reminds me of the Alice Cooper song..- “suddenly I realised, I saw it all through real eyes, the blood was dripping from my hand…” well done!

  16. Hi J.K.,
    Not much of a Holiday at the Inn, eh? Hard edged details create a grim and disturbing scene. You create many questions for the reader to ponder. Good writing. Ron

  17. Pete says:

    Very sinister. Not staying there. Well done, nice piece.

  18. Anne Orchard says:

    This is so creepy and well-told. I hope it’s only a nightmare, but I’m suspecting not!

  19. elappleby says:

    Love this. Chilling. And how did you fit so much into so few words?!

  20. brudberg says:

    This was true horror, very well written…

  21. Joyce says:

    What a frightening end for that one. And worse because he doesn’t know why, or how it comes to that.

  22. You do enjoy the dark and mysterious. You do, do them very well.

  23. Ooohh. Sinister and creepy. More freaky because your character seems confused about it. I like your hints….reddened shirt and sticky hands. Well done!

  24. erinleary says:

    Very dark, full of trnsion for the reader. Maybe he’s moving toward the final “light” ? Hard to say, but it feels ominous.

  25. rheath40 says:

    Loved this story. Gave me chills. I want to know more.

  26. Dear JK,

    Rothschild told me to check out your story right away and I did, several days ago. Wanted to comment then but was derailed somewhere somehow. Back again to tell you in person just how much I enjoyed your piece this week.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  27. A good story that’s certainly left me thinking. Flash-backs? Psychosis? Criminally Insane? In a Unit having committed another act?

    A thought-provoking piece.

    Very good job! šŸ™‚

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