FLASH FICTION FRIDAY ~No Longer Carnival~

Posted: October 12, 2012 in dark, fiction, Outdoors, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Thank you again to MadisonWoods for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at:

http://madison-woods.com/101212-2/

For those who are new, MadisonWoods shares a photo prompt to which several #FridayFictioneers will compose a 100-word flash of fiction. If you would like, come dancing.

Here is my contribution:

No Longer Carnival

Night became day. The echoes of Carnival receded, driven by the rising sun, like some ebbing tide chasing its mistress moon. No longer were the celebrators adorned in fanciful costumes. No longer did they roil in the streets and alleyways. The music had stopped. The dancing ended. Feasting ceased. The tangle of gyrating humanity which seemed to be copulating as one was now gone.

Peter strained against the light, his eyes wrinkled to slits.

Confusion settled in as his senses returned nothing. No sounds. No smells. Nothing remained but a blinding white wash.

He stood alone.

Something was terribly wrong.

jKb



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Comments
  1. Cindy Marsch says:

    How did you get so much STORY into just 100 words? Beautifully done, with an ending that leaves me off balance, just as “he” is. Poor fella!

    Here’s mine: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/10/friday-fictioneers-oasis.html

  2. Dear JK,

    The way you add an air of mystery and menace to the aftermath of Carnival is magical. What should be a town asleep becomes something more. Unseen danger and unknown answers hide in the still morning air.

    Love it, my friend.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  3. I was just starting to enjoy the quiet when you told me it wasn’t a natural quiet. Drat!! I love the word “roil”, so thanks for using it and this is also quite nice: “like some ebbing tide chasing it’s mistress moon.”

    Just a small thing–“chasing its mistress” not “it’s.” Then it will be perfect. πŸ™‚

  4. I very much like the way you went from that rich, colorful, cornucopia of description in the first paragraph to the bare, spartan, sterile lines of the discovery.

  5. Hi JK,
    You have the best copulation story this week, bar none. Did these folks party themselves to death? If so, that’s how I’d like to go. Ron

  6. unspywriter says:

    A nice sense of foreboding–you know this is something more than post-carnival hangover. Well-structured and great last line. One slight critique: It should be “its mistress moon,” the possessive.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/disharmony/

  7. Lora says:

    Beautiful imagery, descriptions. Love the line ” …its mistress moon…” You took us on a lovely ride, then left us with the unsettling, ominous, chilling last line…which his fine-tuned instincts picked up. Kudos to you. This is my favorite story based on Jan’s prompt.

  8. Sandra says:

    A very sharp sense of foreboding here, and the contrast between the night’s revels and the morning silence is very effective. Nice work.

  9. Powerful descriptions, JK. And that menacing silence. Well depicted.

  10. rich says:

    i think you had a tense shift here: The music had stopped. The dancing ended. Feasting ceased. removing “had” would help. up until the last sentence, i was thinking how much i’d love to go to the festival. now it’s more like a james bond set-up, and he’s about to get an unwelcome greeting. well done.

  11. billgncs says:

    100 words that draw us in and leave us waiting for more.

  12. brudberg says:

    WOW, this I should not have read before bedtime. Love the language and the building of tension.

  13. Well done, I was left with the feeling that perhaps Peter was no longer a citizen of this world? Just my take, but it left me thinking.

  14. Stacey says:

    Very nice! I think one of the best of your pieces that I have seen so far. I liked “his eyes wrinkled to slits”, but I was having trouble deciding if “copulating as one” was possible (usually it takes at least two!). Definitely interested in what happens next. πŸ™‚

  15. shakira says:

    Very nicely done…great job!!! truly love your suspense…great fiction! Mine is here
    Have you a ROCKING AND BLESSED WEEK!!!
    hugs
    shakira

  16. Paul says:

    I’ve read most of your comments and have to agree. For me, your story is reminiscent of Ray Bradbury’s “Something Wicked This Way Comes”. Great job!

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