Thank you again to MadisonWoods for all her work and organization. You can visit her site and read through the other Flash Fiction Friday postings at http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/moon-and-sky/

Here’s my contribution…I hope you enjoy.

I Pray You Sing (a letter from Rachel)

Dearest Mother,

I’m sorry. I haven’t always been easiest or prettiest and certainly I’ve let you down. Please understand, I’ve been angry. Children can be. So I ran.

Laying here, grasses crushed beneath, I wonder, can I still feel? Soothing sun. Coaxing breeze. Branches sway. Naked. As am I. Unblinking, imagining our world whole, yet, color fades, Mother, my heart rests.

Now, I traverse this awakening of permanent sleep, my understanding greater, my love for you ever deeper.

Left me here. Alone.

Cry for me not, Mother. I pray you sing, for I am coming Home.

Ever yours,

Rachel

jKb

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Comments
  1. rich says:

    great direction to go. at the end, it says “coming” home. that suggests that mom is dead too. otherwise, i wonder if it should be “going” home.

    • JKBradley says:

      Thanks, Rich.

      In the first drafting of this, the mother was indeed dead. Where I wrote “Left me here. Alone” I had written “He did it to me, too.” But I didn’t like the ‘feel’ of the letter, so I went a slightly different direction. I wanted to pose the question, who left her there alone?

      • danielle k says:

        so i was thrown seeing the grasses as though she was just laying there thinking of and missing her mother as Mother’s Day approached – then I realized as her heart gave way. I am glad they are reunited but saddened for the shortened life – I hope she is not too much of a child still!!

  2. TheOthers1 says:

    I was getting the little girl was dead in the permanent sleep line. I was picturing a little girl in a white dress running in the woods. A dream almost as she has passed away. I wonder what happened to them both because whatever it is feels bad.

    • JKBradley says:

      Thanks for your observations. I really like your white dress image. Yes, something terrible did happen yet I am leaving it up to you what it is, just the crushed grasses as evidence of the trauma, that and her death.

  3. I really love ‘letters’ as story…especially frightful ones 🙂

  4. rainang says:

    liked how you did this, in a letter. Sad, but then to her there’s a resolve at the end… here’s mine: http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/friday-fictioneers-then-we-were-one/

  5. Brandon Scott says:

    Such a sad story. At least she got to be reunited with her mother though. The letter was a good format to go with. I may have to try that sometime.

    Mine is at: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/death-cart/

  6. Jeannie says:

    I like the letter format too. In this it was effective and emotional–I liked this alot.

  7. Fay Moore says:

    Yep, yep. Like it a lot.

  8. Sooooo bittersweet but poetic in its delivery. Well done!

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

  9. teschoenborn says:

    Love how you use a letter, what a great form! You give the reader just enough info to frame the sense of loss and trauma without leading us by our noses. Nicely done.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/10/friday-fictioneers-et-wannabe/

  10. Linda says:

    It made me feel that she was already buried and in the ground, simply waiting to be turned to ashes and dust in the ‘coming home’ sense of that which we will all return to in the end.

    Here’s mine: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-painting-creation/

  11. Quill Shiv says:

    At first this read like a suicide letter. Then I read it again. This seems more like a letter from a ghost or a zombie. Which I love better as a choice. I haven’t read the comments yet, as I wanted to give my input without being influenced. But I’m eager to! Which means this is a VERY effective piece. Well done!

    http://quillshiv.com/2012/05/11/the-first-world/

  12. I like the use of the letter format for flash fiction. Very innovative.
    My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

  13. Amanda Gray says:

    Maybe your character is who my character is suffering over! I absolutely love this .I got a little teary eyed.
    Here’s my attempt see what you think http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-flash-fiction-2/

  14. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear JK,

    Good stuff, this story. I love the format and Rachel’s consoling tone. Coming home? Is her mother dead. Very compelling writing.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/last-of-the-first/

    • JKBradley says:

      Thanks, Doug. The larger bit of fiction here, unwritten but still the mindset I had, was that the father had abused the mother and killed her, the daughter ran, perhaps days or weeks went by, but the father found her, did his evil, left her for dead.

  15. Madison Woods says:

    I liked this, and liked the impression that she hopes her mother will be singing in joy at her arrival. Sad, but eloquent. She seems unencumbered by anything now, but the reader is certainly wanting to know what happened.

    • JKBradley says:

      Thank you Madison. This is one of the things that limiting yourself to 100 words brings, that is, having to decide which part of the story to tell and which part to hold back, allowing the reader to create that part themselves. Which is why it is so much fun.

  16. Absolutely heartbreaking but you made it beautiful. Off for the kleenex, now.
    Kathy

    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/stay/

  17. Very powerful imagery and great word choices. An interesting tie with Mother’s Day indeed.

  18. Beautiful, but horrifying. I like the letter approach. Laying in the grass, naked and alone. Makes it sound as though she was murdered. My thought wasn’t that her mother was dead, but that she had run away, been killed, and would now be returned home for burial. I’m looking forward to more of your work. Here’s mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/friday-fictioneers-photo-prompt/

  19. Gilly Gee says:

    How very sad but with great imagery.

  20. sphrbn says:

    What a great way of writing it, as a letter. There was also a poetic movement in it, which I really liked. It’s a very thought provoking piece of writing, wondering how they died.

  21. Brian Benoit says:

    I almost got a supernatural vibe from this one – as if the “mother” was the earth and the protagonist is “coming home,” returning to the earth, about to die. Great descriptions though, especially those short declarative sentences in the middle. Well done!

    Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/05/11/the-runaway/)

  22. oni1138 says:

    wow,very powerful and emotional 🙂

  23. Lora Mitchell says:

    The letter format was clever. (Don’t think any other FIctioneer has thought of it). I grieve for this girl who is lying there naked, barely alive… waiting for death to join her mother. So sad. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  24. rgayer55 says:

    Great story. Like other, I enjoyed the letter format–a very clever way to tell a short tale. You left plenty for our imagination too. I like that. 🙂

    Thanks for visiting mine. Here’s the link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

  25. rgayer55 says:

    We all seem to the love the letter format. It was innovative. You left plenty for our interpretation, which really made it fun.

    Thanks for visiting mine. Here’s the link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

  26. Jennifer Worrell says:

    Wow! Beautifully done! so sad…

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