Flash Fiction Friday: Let’s do this again.

Posted: April 19, 2012 in dark, fiction, poetry, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Hello Friends. Another Flash Fiction Friday posting. Thank you to Madison Woods for her organization and prompts.

Please check her site for other folks’ stories, time well shared.

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/photo-prompt-for-the-friday-fictioneers-100-words-join-us-friday/

And here we go with my entry.

Enjoy.

Or, not.

After The Rain

Through the park,

they wandered and walked,

sister and sister in arms.

They skipped, they hopped,

and never gave thought,

had no reason to fear harm.

From somewhere below,

the maw did grow,

which lurked within the garden.

When Maddie misstepped,

it reached up, it leapt,

gnashed teeth terribly sharpened.

Addy was next,

it snapped her neck,

then suckled upon her heart.

Mommy never knew,

found one bloody shoe,

if only she fathomed her part.

jKb

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Comments
  1. TheOthers1 says:

    Whoa! I echo the creepy good sentiment.

  2. ztburian says:

    Wow, loved the lyricism, felt like a dark children’s book (those would be some disturbing illustrations). I think this one will stay with me for a while.

  3. rich says:

    consider changing “sister and sister in arms.” to…”sister and sister, arm in arm.”

    okay, this last line…”if only she fathomed her part”

    i think that means “if only mom fathomed or understood her part” you mean her part in what happened to the sisters? if that’s what you mean, then now we get to wonder what mom did to cause this. whatever it is she did, “fathomed” says to me that she doesn’t even know what she did. that means the poem can’t be over, which is a good thing. it keeps going and causes more thought.

    or i’m way off. either way, please let me know.

    • JKBradley says:

      Thanks, Rich.

      The intention was to place blame upon the Father, but I couldn’t seem to make it fit within the 100 words, still wishing to imply something sinister I elected to leave a clue and I’m glad you found it.

  4. A disturbing poetic theme~for me; written extremely well in rhyme and the feel of darkness in the word choices.

  5. Wow, how shocking. But that’s the way I like it…

    I liked that one of the names was Maddie (like Madison Woods perhaps? lol) though the first thing that struck me about the poem was its rhyme scheme. At first, I was going through, trying to pick it out, until the story drew me out and allowed me to appreciate the poem in its own right.

    Nice piece.

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneers-bats/

  6. Lora Mitchell says:

    Loved this simple yet complex poem. Didn’t quite understand the last line, until I read Rich’s comments. Nice work. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  7. I like the rhythm it builds a sense of impending doom in tandem with the words!
    Here’s Mine: http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-friday/

    • JKBradley says:

      Thank you, Amanda. So glad you enjoyed. I think some may feel put off by how this seemingly gentle nursery rhyme goes terribly wrong. But that’s the point then, yes?

      • Have you ever really looked at a nursery rhyme?
        They were not intended for children in Elizabeth’s and Henry’s time they were ways to convey news in an easy to remember way.
        “Mother Goose ” was actually a series of treasonous rhymes!
        Many ‘things’ are wrapped thus.

  8. William Stadler says:

    Very nice. It’s interesting because the rhythm skips like the girls, but the story is tragic. Nicely done.

  9. great rhythm, loved that you used maw too.

  10. tollykit says:

    I second the great rhythm. It had a wonderful bounce to it. But very dark and creepy. Loved it.

    Here’s mine
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-story-2-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction

  11. Russell says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed it. Loved the line “gnashed teeth terribly sharpened” The ending was open enough to allow each reader to come to their own conclusions. Nicely done.

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

  12. Atiya says:

    Scary good. You left a lot of description of what it was to the imagination. I loved it.

  13. Creepy good…thank you for sharing this!
    ~Susan

  14. teschoenborn says:

    Oh how refreshingly creepy. I am such a fan. The last line…..I bow before the master. Hear my applause?

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/

  15. Though it is so disturbing to imagine the fate of the sisters, as a mother, I like the flow; it carries the reader so fast to the shocking end. This is well written. And thank you for stopping by.

  16. Tom Lucas says:

    Fantastically grim. Great read.

  17. OMG I loved it…am a Big fan of thrillers and horror stories and movies..this is absolutely delightful….loved the shock 🙂

  18. Gary says:

    With such an innocent start, the ignorance soon takes a disturbing turn and it all goes horribly wrong…for the sisters, not the story.

    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-death-and-life/

  19. Brandon Scott says:

    Very enjoyable read. I can’t help but wonder: what exactly was the mother’s part in the whole incident?

    • JKBradley says:

      We may never discover her part. Was she directly involved, merely a pawn, a servant to a greater evil? Was it simply that she sent the children out of the house to gain a few fleeting moments of peace and quiet within her home? And, where is the father?

  20. erinleary says:

    what just happened here? Did mommy do the deed? Inquiring minds want to know! Very creepy use of verse.

    Mine, late as it is, is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/flash-friday-fiction-8/

    • JKBradley says:

      Thank you for enjoying.

      We may never discover mommy’s part. Was she directly involved, merely a pawn, a servant to a greater evil? Was it simply that she sent the children out of the house to gain a few fleeting moments of peace and quiet within her home? And, where is the father?

  21. Parul says:

    Noir but very good!
    I love poems that tell a story! Loved this!
    Great take on the prompt, thanks for sharing!

    Wondering what was the mother’s part though… did I miss something or is it open ended?

  22. Rhyme often ruins stories told too quickly. Not so, here. Very chilling poem. Great job.

  23. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear J.K.,

    i fell in step with the sisters and went willingly to a horrible death with them. ‘The mother’s part’ line was terrific, mysterious and a reverse hook for your poem. Great job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    P.S. The boat’s name is Easy Come…(Thanks for your comments on The Endless Sea

  24. kbnelson says:

    I am totally in love with this! Your short phrases really pack a punch – I like “sister and sister in arms”. Wonderful!

  25. Madison Woods says:

    I loved the poem and it flowed well. When I got to the last line, the thought that went through my head is that the monster who ate the girls was actually something spawned by the mother somehow, like it was one of her other children maybe.

  26. Nae's Nest says:

    Beautiful, nicely written. Emotional.

  27. Excellent. What makes this so creepy (besides the horrific subject matter) is its nursery-rhyme scheme. I think the last line is perfect–leave everyone guessing.

  28. Michael Fishman says:

    I really liked the prose but I was a little confused at the end as to the mother’s involvement. I’m not sure what she might have been guilty of.

  29. susielindau says:

    Excellent! I love the darkness of it and the last line. I am guessing that leaving her children unattended was her part in their undoing. Love the word maw and your description of the evil garden. Well done!

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