Flash Fiction: Madison Woods Entry

Posted: April 13, 2012 in dark, fiction, writing
Tags: , , , , , ,

For the fiction writers, story tellers, and flat out compulsive liars, please make a regular Friday visit to  http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com if you dare.

Why?

So you can see the prompt for the weekly flash fiction competition. The photo here is the prompt for today. If you are motivated and so inspired, take a moment to peck out a riveting 100-word story and flash us with your brilliance. Post your story to your blog, then head to MadisonWoods and link it. Afterwards, sit back, read my stories, and wait to see what happens. Who knows…folks might just enjoy what you have to say.

Without further delay. FlashFictionFriday

Lengthening shadows precede the coming eve. Through the unlit cement underpass again, her routine.

Click.

Click.

Heels upon dank cement. Today, Friday, something feels different.

She slows, glances behind, hesitates momentarily.

Did something move just then? No. A trick of light and dark.

Forward again, heart rattling her ribs, striding quickened.

Heavier breathing, she tries to control the welling urgency.

Was that a footfall?

Her neck hairs stand, she spins.

Nothing, save the eerie light marking the far exit.

Then it comes, all at once, all around.

The children’s whispers.

“He hurts.”

“Help us.”

“Please, don’t leave.”

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Comments
  1. Very creepy, the fear of an unseen assailant only to hear whispers that he is not physical. mine is similar in that respect. I like this.

    http://bit.ly/HCPVlA

  2. teschoenborn says:

    Wow, I have goose bumps. This is beyond scary. I love it.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/

  3. Dark tunnels…I always look for another path. Suspenseful flash.

  4. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear JK,

    A nice slow build to a terrifying conclusion, made the more so by the question of what will happen if she stops. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/bermuda-triangle-summer/

  5. Sandra says:

    Very spooky. I love the short staccato sentences that add to the dramatic impact of this piece.
    Excellent.

    Mine’s at: http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/#comment-1199

  6. Caerlynn Nash says:

    I agree with Sandra. I like the short paragraphs. Make is a fast, suspenseful ride to the end. My story is at http://wp.me/p1WuR1-Sn.

  7. Geez, such an innocent picture prompting such dark thoughts! Creepy indeed. Mine’s http://furiousfictions.com.

    • JKBradley says:

      Thanks Joseph. Pardon my ignorance, but I am having difficulty finding a ‘like’ button on your blog. I’ll head back over and look around, read some more, and should such a button remain hidden from me, know that I did infact enjoy my read.

  8. My favorite so far! Nothing scarier than wicked little children! They’re going to get her! I just know it. Great job on this one – well played and well worded – it flowed well and left me wanting more!

    ~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

  9. Parul says:

    What a build up! Chilly and gripping!
    Great work!

    Parul
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/the-dark-tunnel/

  10. I like your rhythm. The suspension of words creates an anticipation that is like a ripple in a pond. Very good. Makes me want more.

  11. sphrbn says:

    Haunting, mysterious, sinister, this is what I thought. The short paragraph’s make the story quick and crisp. Great story.
    Here’s mine: http://sphrbn.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/nothingness/

  12. Captivating but not my common day reading material. Thank you Deborah

  13. Madison Woods says:

    I liked the pacing in this scene, it built tension and suspense very well. Thanks for joining us! Looking forward to your future contributions 🙂

  14. Very good writing. Supenseful and a terrific unexpected ending.
    Here’smine:http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-a5

  15. rich says:

    of course, we’ll read that and say, “yo! woman in heels! why are u walking into the obviously dangerous tunnel in very restrictive footwear not at all suitable for the setting?” but then again, if people didn’t do things like that, then we would have a lot fewer stories to read.

  16. Lora Mitchell says:

    Hi: Welcome to FridayFictioneers. What a chilling, suspenseful beginning!! Gave me goosebumps. Loved the pacing. Now I wonder..are these teen pranksters or children in real trouble? Hope they’re only silly, pranksters. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  17. It’s like an odd mix of poetry and prose, but it works so well, and the story is boosted because of it. The story itself has merit too. I love the whole flow of it, and its end as well. The quotes of the children, the whole situation.

    And I love the one-line rhyming, especially the opening line.

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/friday-fictioneers-halfway-bridge/

  18. elmowrites says:

    ooh, the ghosts are so much scarier than any attacker I thought you were going to give us. You depict that natural female balance of fear and reassurance so many of us feel when walking through an eery place at night.

    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/

  19. tedstrutz says:

    “Please don’t leave” Yeah, that’s the scariest sound of all…

    http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/

  20. Excellent!! Gave me a chill.

  21. K. McGee says:

    I love this! So much anxiety building in me right now I think I need a shot of something to steady my nerves, and I’m not even a big drinker.

  22. Came in here quite late but i am so glad i did….One of the best 🙂

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